Human action figure Sage Northcutt was plucked from obscurity courtesy of Dana White’s ‘Lookin’ for a Fight’ show, and now we’re stuck with a kid who isn’t quite ready for the major leagues, but whose popularity means the UFC will forever be feeding him subpar talent. Because let’s face it, going three and two in the Octagon against complete nobodies means you ain’t ready for this level of competition, and since the UFC needs fan-favorites right now, they’re going to do their best to make sure he has a job.

Which leads us to UFC Fight Night 120, and Northcutt’s opponent, Michel Quinones. Quinones was 0-1 in the Octagon, and pretty much perfect for what Northcutt brought into the cage.

Quinones didn’t exactly stand there and let Northcutt strike him and take him down, but he might as well have, as Northcutt spent all three rounds whacking him with karate kicks and fast punches, and mixing in some Team Alpha Male-honed takedowns whenever the mood struck him. For his part, Quinones did throw some leather here and there, and managed to score when his opponent got careless. But this was Northcutt’s bout to lose, and he was able to avoid that doomsday scenario.

Results: Sage Northcutt def. Michel Quinones via Unanimous Decision