He may not have been winning his fights as of late, yet he is a fan favorite and a heavy draw. “His mouth gets him fights.” Whatever works — the UFC’s most interesting man, Chael P. Sonnen continues with the antics on The [Stone Cold] Steve Austin Show, as he rambles off a list of demands in order to re-sign with the UFC.

1) Jello Biafra replaces Bruce Buffer as ring announcer.

2) Every fight I’m in must be a No. 1 contender fight or a title fight. If I lose, I get an immediate rematch until I win.

3) No media can look me in the eye or they will be removed from the room.

4) Headset legalized through the commission, so I can call my own fights.

5) No longer will I walk to the ring, I need to be carried.

6) Keys to your least favorite Ferrari [Dana].

7) I can Skype or Facetime my fights if I don’t feel like flying.

8) Tell GSP to quit being such a dick; I’ll return his truck when I’m done with it.

“It’s not all about money, people, there’s more to these contracts. They’re very sophisticated,” – Steve Austin Show

If you didn’t get the Jello Biafra reference, he’s the former lead singer of Dead Kennedy, as well as numerous other punk bands (love the reference). Like Chael, Biafra is a charismatic loud mouth who had also made failed attempts at politics. As for the rest of the demands, I will stare you in the face Chael every damn chance I get  now! Obviously a fictitious list of witticism by “The West Linn Gangster.” My guess is Uncle Dana gives Chael a nice slap on the cheek and tells him to sign the damn contract.