Like Chael Sonnen and Vitor Belfort – whose continuous dance with banned substances and the double-speak that follows pissing hot for them – Wanderlei Silva is the gift that keeps on giving. From his comical “slip out the back door of his gym” exodus when a urine collector showed up for a random drug test, to his wacky attempts at damage control, “The Axe Murderer” is like that crazy uncle who drives around a beat-up Volvo while insisting with a straight face that it’s a Mercedes.

And now he’s touting his own drug tests done is Brazil as authoritative on the matter.

As per Tatame (but courtesy of MMAFighting):

Silva, who hasn’t fought since March of 2013, said in an interview to Tatame in Brazil that he’s “totally clean and cleared to fight as soon as possible.”

“Life is great. I’m training well,” Silva said. “I did a test on my own in Brazil, on June 6, to see if the corticoid and the diuretic were already out of my body. I also tested my testosterone levels. At my age, the level is 180, and I’m at 160. I’m totally clean and cleared to fight as soon as possible. I’m just waiting for the UFC to tell me a date and local. In two months, I will be ready to fight.”

Dude, you made a mockery of the sport by fleeing at the site of an athletic commission official. Ain’t no home drug test kit administered by you or your buddy – in Brazil no less, where the pharmaceutical oversight of athletes is a joke – is going to fix that.