War Machine, a.k.a. Jon Koppenhaver, a.k.a. the dude who beat pornstar and ex-girlfriend Christy Mack to a pulp, then went on the run and was later found in California and is now looking at life in prison, tried to dodge his lengthy impending jail stay via suicide. And just as he did with fighting and being a porn actor, the dude failed.

TMZ has the details:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Tuesday night around 9:30 an officer was walking by War Machine’s cell in Clark County Jail. The officer saw him sitting on the ground with his feet up on the bunk bed. When the officer called to him he was unresponsive.

The officer went into the cell and found the ex-MMA fighter had a piece of linen around his neck which was tied to the leg of the bed — and his face was purple. The officer cut the linen, removed it … and we’re told War Machine’s breathing became less strained and he attempted to speak.

He’s currently in a medical isolation cell on suicide watch. We’re told officers found what appeared to be suicide notes in the cell.

I’m not going to mince words here. The real tragedy in this situation is the fact that War Machine did not succeed in his bid to off himself, and now the taxpayers have to continue footing the bill for this piece of human garbage.

Oh well. Eventually the sudden cessation of PED use will turn the UFC- and Bellator vet docile while in prison, and then he’ll be no match for the cellmate who wants dispense all little jailhouse justice.